Our sweet "Andma"

My Grandmother passed away a few weeks ago. It was expected. The past couple of years had been really difficult for her as her diabetes and dementia worsened, she was carted in and out of the hospital with infections. Finally, it was decided to let her rest peacefully in her room at the nursing home and hospice was called in to make her more comfortable. The past few months she was really sick and slept most of the time. On a good day she would recognize my face and my dad's face. On a bad day she would ask annoyed, Who my dad was and why was he in her room. I had my last good visit with her about a week before she passed. At that point she was on morphine and asleep most of the time. Her eyes flickered opened and she looked at me. I asked if she knew who I was and she said "Of course I do honey, stand up here and let me see what you have on. " She was the fashion queen of her time, she loved beautiful things, and she loved clothes and shoes. So the first thing out of her mouth whenever she saw me was "What do you have on?" She was an elementary school teacher, a Sunday school teacher and a stickler for proper grammar. She hated to cook, loved to clean and had a house once decorated finely enough to be a spread in an Ethan Allen catalog. She was deeply religious, with a wicked, bathroom since of humor. She loved to shock people with her dirty jokes. She passed away peacefully at dusk, she was 88.

I had been with her just hours before and I knew it wouldn't be long. Dozens of nurses and nurses aids who had cared for her so lovingly came in to say goodbye. They talked to her and kissed her cheek as they cried. It's amazing how many people she touched in the 7 years she lived at the nursing home. She would always say to them "If you can't come in here with a smile on your face, you might as well turn back around and go out of here. "

At the funeral her four remaining brothers and sisters lined the casket to receive friends. She was the second born of the five. She went out in style, of course, she would have had it no other way. She had hand picked the music to be played. She was in her beautiful blue suit with her pearls. I will treasure all the great stories she told me. Stories about growing up on a farm in Carter County and sharing a room with her sister Chris. Stories about falling in love with my Grandpa at 15. About living in El Paso during war time and about the night my dad was born. She could always tell a great tale. I Spent nearly every weekend at her house from the time I was a toddler until I was 15. Nothing was off limits there. I would spend hours baking cookies and drinking cokes from little glass bottles late into the night. She would give me books to pour through from her collection. She gave me a copy of Ann Frank. My sister and I would play dress up with her best shoes and her dresser drawer full of costume jewelry. She would chase us around the back yard all afternoon and would let us help water her flowers. After her death,
I was given a beautiful portrait of her from the 40's when she was only 22. In it her blue eyes look amused, like just the two of you are sharing one of her jokes. Her mouth turned up in a slight, crooked smile. I was also given her bible, which I treasure. In the back she had hand written all her favorite passages. She was truly one of a kind and I will miss her deeply.

What do you think?

I have always believed in the super-natural or paranormal. Spirits, ghosts whatever you want to call them. I have always enjoyed scaring myself with places being haunted. Also, I just find it fascinating. Though up until a few years ago I never experienced anything like that personally. Besides the time myself, younger sister and our next door neighbor held a séance in the garage and tried to contact someone who had just died. A few minutes into it the Christmas tree box which was clear across the room at least 20 feet away fell over from where it had been propped in the corner. We all panicked and ran screaming upstairs and my sister was so scared she peed herself, literally. But, to be fair I was only 12 at the time and had no idea what I was doing or how serious it really is. I wasn't raised in a religious home by any means and it just wasn't something that was ever talked about. I don't think it's something you should tamper with or take lightly. That same summer our very religious 70 year old baby sitter found our Ouiji Board in the closet and convinced my Mom to throw it is the trash. I really don't think kids should play with them at all. They aren't a toy. Although I think you can fake it and just get the answers you want. I believe they can potentially bring in evil spirits. I now would consider it a form of divination.

Nearly 10 years ago my Grandpa passed away. He was a really amazing person, very kind and gentle a true gentleman, and also was like my hero. My sister and I would spend whole weekends at my Grandparents house and saw them at least once every week until he was sick. He was diagnosed with throat cancer and passed away after a brave fight at the age of 79. Just days before my 15th Birthday. It was the first time I ever experienced the loss of someone close to me.

Throughout the years after his death when things would get really bad or I would be going through a difficult time or struggling with something I would talk to him, pray to him, whatever you want to call it. He was always a man of few words but was always so stoic and incredibly supportive and comforting to me when he was alive. It just seemed like the thing to do. I started noticing after doing this, he would give me little signs, that he was with me. Things of his would show up randomly, I would find little things in odd places, things that had belonged to him that I had forgotten about. Or, things he had given me would end up in odd places, right in front of my face. One time after Josh and I had been in a big fight and he ended up on the couch for the night, he woke me up early, talking about a dream he had the night before. "Your Grandpa was in it, it's like he was right here." He said. "He laughed and said when you get mad you act just like your Grandma." Josh was even able to describe his voice, which really brought me to tears. Because Josh had never met him, and also my Grandpa had a laryngectomy, which is a surgery that removes your voice box. He had it done about a year before he passed away and the only way for him to talk was to whisper or use a electrolarynx, which was a little A battery-operated device that makes a humming sound. I guess, I consider it a gift, Josh had that experience and did if only for a moment get to meet someone who was so important in my life, especially as a little girl.

I do believe in angels, people who come into our lives to guide and protect us. And I absolutely believe people we love who have passed on are still with us and can communicate with us at times.

Onto the point of all this.... I was going through some pictures of our wedding a couple months ago, just looking through for fun when I noticed one where a HUGE transparent orb of light is right above me. I showed it to Josh and he didn't think much of it. Then about a month later my Mom gave me a few pictures from the wedding I'd never seen that her husband had taken. Same EXACT shot with a cheap disposable camera and the same huge bubble like orb right over my head. I was really amazed. I also noticed another orb completing surrounding my sister in two of the wedding pictures our photographer took. I've looked at those pictures dozens of times, I was shocked I had never seen them before.

A month ago, things were not looking so good, I said "Are you still with me.. I'm sure you know what's going on. I love you, I need to know your still around." This is what I saw the next day. Look at the chair.


This was taken the same day. Look surrounding Jack at the right. The beautiful golden light and transparency is the exact same look and color of the orbs in my wedding pictures. I was also playing around with the shutter speed on my camera that day so these were taken at a really high speed.


I know it's debatable. It could just be dust, or light, or anything. There is noway to know for sure. But, I'd like to think it's him.